Paltrow's Vagina

It's rare event to be afforded an opportunity to publicly discuss a celebrity's vagina. I mean, think about it. It's usually a taboo subject in a lot of ways, such as the furor over a ad for a pad that shows blood (which incidentally attracted the most complaints in 2019) or just the polite avoidance of generally discussing genitalia unless it's after a few drinks.

Sure pictures of vaginas, but discussion? To be sure, there is no shortage of male bravado over the utility of a vag  but to actually go public and market what is usually avoided, that is the smell of a vagina, is without a doubt a genuine reflection of marketing power in the capitalist world.

I'm sure there are a few women thinking right now, I wish I had bottled the smell of my vag and stuck it into a candle. Especially on those days when it has a good stink going.

There will be doubters. Does the candle really smell like Paltrow's vagina? How would anyone know? It could be just a rebadged version of the local fish markets or someone else's vagina but it's unlikely that anyone will ever sue for misleading advertising. Could you imagine the evidence? Who would adjudicate?

What will the buyers of a candle called This Smells Like My Vagina do with it? Save it for a rainy day when they want to go around the house sniffing someone's vagina? Surprise the guests at dinner when they ask about the oddly familiar odour in the air? Light it up in the bedroom? Give it to their mums on mothers day? Give it to their boyfriends without telling them it's really someone else's cunt odour?

Gwyneth is really to be congratulated for opening up a completely novel line product line and I'm sure, capitalism being all about competition, there will now be a flurry of candles promising to smell like every other famous vagina in the world. Then there will be the collectors set of famous vagina candles. Perhaps even a yearly vintage, where the original 2020 vagina candle makes way for the 2021 version.

Pity it sold out.





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